Illustration by Griffin Waldau. Click to check out Wondersmitten.
For most of the gainfully employed, we go to an office five days a week, at least eight hours a day. (If you get to work from home all the time, I’m going to come right out and say it: I HATE YOU). This makes work the place, besides home, where we probably spend the most amount of time.
For some of us, we have friends at work–someone to commiserate with and complain to when the going gets tough and the copier vomited toner all over your clean shirt, you were stuck on 95 for an hour coming in, or your boss took a heavy dose of crazy pills. Some of those friends might even be of the opposite sex. One of those friends might even be a work spouse.
But what happens when that friendly camaraderie goes a bit further and crosses the romance line? With the challenges of finding a mate in CT, as we’ve covered earlier in this series, it may be tempting to go looking in the cubicle closest to you. But as one wise Brit once said, “Don’t dip your nib in the company ink.” Generally, this seems like a good rule to go by.
Certainly, there are circumstances where finding your true love by the water cooler is a modern day fairy tale (I’d rather Prince Charming come a sweep me off my feet, horse and all, but to each his own). Chances are, however, you’re going to get yourself in a sticky wicket somehow.
In some cases, you may be breaking the company rules on intra-office dating-but we’ll assume that you’re not that stupid and move on. Most of us know that a supervisor-subordinate relationship is just a bad idea in general–if you’re the subordinate, you have a lot more to lose. If others suspect your relationship, it can wreak havoc in your office with people distracted by speculative gossip, perceived favoritism, etc. If the good times end, you may be finding yourself on Careerbuilder.com looking for a new place to work. If you’re the boss, you’re just asking for less respect from your employees. Perhaps they may not show you less respect, but your integrity and credibility will certainly take some dings…and they’ll be thinking it.
If you are colleagues, or in different departments, it might be easier to make it work since the above mentioned not-niceities probably won’t be as much of a factor. Large places like the UTC companies or any of Hartford’s many insurance companies are good for this. However, if you work side by side with the person, you’re going to have to learn to leave the relationship at home. Maybe he forgot your birthday, or she made fun of its size…you still have to work together and be professional. If the relationship goes down the toilet in a fabulous flush, you may still have to see that person every day. Tensions between the two of you in any of these situations are going to spill over to others and no one likes to be a part of that– coworkers taking sides against each other, wearing pink ribbons or blue signifying what side they are on (Team Luke vs. Team Lorelai for my fellow “Gilmore Girls” fans).
Then there are all the temptations associated with a workplace romance. While it might seem nice to cuddle over a nice Excel spreadsheet or go at it in the janitor’s closet, don’t do it. First of all, there’s nothing romantic about an Excel spreadsheet (do you hear me, honey?). Second, you’re going to wind up with a dirty mop handle somewhere you don’t want (or maybe you do, I don’t want to know but it’s still awkward at work). You don’t need to subject your other colleagues to such shenanigans, and you certainly don’t want the creepy guy from IT finding you half-naked and up to no good.
If you’re just looking to hook up, be an adult and don’t use your workplace as your hunting ground. Sure, it’s easy prey, but you don’t want to get the reputation as the “Office Slut” or the “Dirty Penis in Accounting.” Hit the Pour House in Hartford or the Advocate personals for those sort of interactions–not the break room. An acquaintance of mine made the mistake of hooking up with a few guys at her company, much to her regret. “I felt like I was in high school or something. Like I was the girl with the bad reputation. It felt like no one took me seriously anymore. The worst part is, I thought I was being discreet.” The truth? It is like high school–nothing like that is discreet because it’s juicy gossip, and none of us have anything better to do than talk about you.
I’m not saying that office relationships don’t work. One of the best stories I heard was about a girl who had gone out with a couple of co-workers–but none of the guys knew about the others until it came out that she was engaged to yet another coworker! I also have a friend who has been dating someone at his company for over a year (they work in different departments) and are content as can be, but a very select few people at their company know.
Love can find us in some interesting places where we least expect it, but please do a risk analysis before you go diving in head first. And if you do dive, be classy and professional about it. It won’t just help your professional life, but it’ll keep some nice boundaries on your love life.
P.S. I refuse to cover the 1950’s secretary having an affair with her married boss. It’s trite and I hope our readers are smarter than that. If you happen to have had a lobotomy recently and are in this situation, please read carefully:
HE IS NEVER GOING TO LEAVE HER. GET OUT NOW.
SocialVibe