Riverfest: No Deal

When I was a kid we would go to Riverfest every year. We’d stay all day while the ‘rents got hammered and I rode my bike around, played on the makeshift slip-n-slide, rolled down hills in giant blow-up contraptions, and bought bracelets that said my name on them. I went a few times for the fireworks after they moved it to Hartford, but for the most part I’ve just watched them from Wickham Park. This year, though, the promise of a “Deal or No Deal” casting lured me back. I thought about tipping my loyal readers off to the potential of a million dollars, but I decided that was against my best interests. Don’t feel cheated; it was laaaame.

My mom and I parked on the East Hartford side a little before 3 o’clock and walked a block or so to where nothing appeared to be happening. There were a half-dozen tents–none of them remotely interesting–and a stage. We asked at the information booth and were told the “Deal or No Deal” tent was over on the Hartford side (but I could have sworn I read somewhere that nothing was on the Hartford side this year). So we walked over there where there were slightly more tents, but most of them still not interesting (except the Indian food tent, and the “Pizza Emergency” bus).

Eventually we found the “Deal or No Deal” tent and got in line. There were far fewer people than we imagined. We were early — the Riverfest didn’t actually start until 4 p.m. — but it still seemed oddly empty. We hung around for awhile, talking to our neighbors in line (several of which seemed to spend a lot of energy trying to get on gameshows). Eventually I filled out a questionaire and then was taken along with seven other people to yammer on about ourselves. I pointed out that I’m a bit anti-social and probably screwed my chances of ever getting on the show; but it probably didn’t matter what I said — I was up against a pretty girl from Egypt whose parents had once escaped Saddam Hussein (or something like that). My guess is that I’ll be seeing her mug on TV soon, and I’ll still be poor.

By the time we left people were finally starting to fill in but frankly, the fest was still lame. So I have some suggestions for the organizers:

a) If you want to recapture the riverfront, you should probably use it. On the east side of the river there are open fields, pathways, huge unused parking lots and plenty of room to spread out and have some real entertainment of the slip-n-slide sort. Instead of using all that area they cram a bunch of tents onto a narrow promenade, get a bounce house or two, and force people to sit on top of each other (not to mention trek up and down a bunch of stairs). To what end?

b) Do something! The average town fair is more interesting than the Riverfest. At least they have rickety rides, rip-off games, and carnies. As far as I can tell the most stomach turning thing they had there was Roti (or maybe the jerk chicken).

c) How about putting family-style fun on the east side of the river and putting the entertainment for the young professionals on the west side? Let the middle-aged folks and their kids make spin-art in East Beat and let the yuppies get drunk in the Hartbeat. Of course, this raises one question: where does the slip-n-slide go?

The Riverfest gets one salt saker, because it’s inexcuseable to have a festival on the water without pirates or seamen of any kind.