Save the Economy: Booze It Up!

Dont make me resort to this, CT.

Don't make me resort to this, CT.

“Drinking and gambling all night is not a responsible response to our deficit crisis,” said Senate President Pro Tem Donald Williams, the highest-ranking senator.

I say, “Bullshit!”

One solution the Rellster proposed to help with the budget deficit was allowing the casinos to serve drinks 24-hours a day. But for some reason, state democrats have gotten their panties in a bunch about it. This is hardly a surprise. Connecticut has long been ridiculously prudish about drinking. Honestly, where else do they force you to stop buying alcohol at 9 p.m., and prevent you from buying it on Sundays at all (unless you’re inclined to go sit at a bar on a Sunday, in which case you probably have bigger fish to fry)? It’s just stupid, and prevents…well, nothing.

If you’re my parents, you walk across the street to the neighbors’ house and raid their stockpile of Budweiser when you find yourself without booze when you need it (which is often). If you’re me, you might drive to New York at 10 p.m. (I’ve done it…I’m not kidding).  Or if you’re still me, and you forgot about booze until the last minue and you’re throwing a party, you maybe ask some family connections to visit their less savory friends and booze magically appears. If you push me too far, CT, I will start cooking up bathtub gin, and moonshine in my shed. Live free or die!

The point here is, people don’t get any less piss-drunk because you restrict when they can buy alcohol. All you do is force them to buy it earlier and in one lump sum, or through bizarre and possibly illegal means. Of course, fossilized Senator Edith Prague doesn’t agree:

“I wouldn’t support that under any circumstances,” said Sen. Edith Prague, a Columbia Democrat. “It would put more drunk drivers on our roads to kill more people. It is totally outrageous. It’s a very dumb idea. I respect the governor, but I don’t agree with this at all.”

Edith Prague: CT State Senator and candidate for Willard Scotts Smuckers Jar.

Edith Prague: CT State Senator and candidate for Willard Scott's Smuckers Jar.

I get that growing up as a Puritan in 1762 has skewed Prague’s sense of morality a bit, but c’mon Edith! First of all, anyone who is drinking and gambling until the wee hours of the morning is either staying at the casino, or going to be so shitfaced they can’t find their car in those cavernous garages. I can barely remember which garage I parked in, well, ever. And if they’re inclined to drink and drive, well, then they’re going to do it at 1 a.m. anyway. In fact, at 1 a.m. they might be feeling just good enough to believe they can still drive, where as at 4 a.m. they’ll probably throw up in the bathroom and then pass out.

If drinking and driving is really such a concern, why not just allow the casinos the authority to stop people who seem like they might run over a kid on Route 2 at 3 a.m.? Throw those irresponsible bastards in the drunk tank and then let them out in the morning when they’ve sweated out their gin and tonics, and smell like a Beefeater. They could then keep drunks off our roads at all hours of the day.