Batten Down the Hatches, CT!

You might think this is going to be an article about the Nor’easter currently blanketing us in snow. That I am warning you to stock up on canned goods, and bottled water because you’re going to be buried in two feet of white stuff! But no, I am here to warn you about a much graver threat to our argyle loving state: a potential influx of white trash and people looking for free paternity tests to Fairfield County.

I just heard an audible gasp, as WASPs from Greenwich to Danbury read that first paragraph! It echoed across the county, ringing off of snow mounds and SUVs all up and down Route 1. Folks, please calm yourself, and read the facts:

Gov. M. Jodi Rell Friday announced Friday that NBC Universal was in negotiation with Connecticut on turning the Rich Forum Theatre in Stamford into a TV studio for the possible production of several of its syndicated talk show properties including “The Jerry Springer Show,” “Maury” and “The Steve Wilkos Show.”

I’m not looking forward to watching pregnant guests with meth mouths and black-eyes wandering the streets of Stamford, or sitting at the table next to me, but this could be fun. I mean, think about it. We could organize a group trip to Stamford, where everyone has to wear argyle or cable knit sweaters with pearls (if you’re a girl) and golf clap at the ridiculous redneck antics of the syphilitic brains of skanks from across the country.

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