So I stopped by The Courant’s website today, and now I’m thinking about moving. Here are a few screen captures to explain why:
I'm not sure what this gem of a story round-up says to you, but to me it's screaming, "Get the hell out of here while you can! Our mayors are corrupt, our economy is in the shitter, and simply by setting foot in this state you will probably end up dead, stabbed, or addicted to one of the really scary narcotics!"
Just in case the fact that we have bodies floating in what passes for the ocean around here didn't scare you off, maybe our weather will. Count your lucky stars if you manage to catch a glimpse of the sun between thunderstorms sometime before September.
But don't worry, the charming, bucolic Connecticut of days gone by is not totally gone. If you wander off the beaten path far enough, you'll find stinky livestock and tractor pulls for your viewing enjoyment. You'll be glad to know our fairs also offer a wide variety of pig races, deep-fried stuff, and gypsy fortune-tellers. If you get really lucky in your travels you'll probably even find some apple pies and bulky, wool sweaters for sale.
Things aren't all bad, though. We've still got lots of white people flooding our state, and contributing to suburban sprawl. Why, just look at this: we've got adorable blonde children picking stuff at a struggling family farm minutes before it's turned into a subdivision, orange teenagers dressed like 37-year-old divorcees, and goats. Goats, for goodness' sake! What's more quaint than a goddamn goat? Please, please, move to Connecticut and contribute to the tax base...for the love of God!