Dear Gay Guru,
I recently reconnected with a guy from my college days. Following some text/chat conversations he asked me to come visit him down in New Jersey. On a whim, I went down one weekend to visit. While in the back of my mind I thought there was a chance we may hook-up I really didn’t expect to. In our chats we had been flirting back and forth, but I am a natural flirt and really thought nothing of it. Well, on my visit we ended up sleeping with each other…multiple times.
After that weekend, I drove back home feeling weird. I am afraid our relationship has changed dramatically. Prior to our weekend romp, we had discussions about his “type of girl” and I definitely do not fit his requirements. Though he has made a few comments to the contrary, I don’t see him being interested in me and have kind of written our hook-up off as a “one time thing”. Besides that, he lives in freaking New Jersey! I haven’t talked to him about it because I am feeling a little awkward about it. What should I do?
-Confused in Coventry
It has always been my experience that nothing makes post-sex friendship more awkward than not talking about the sex and either moving past it, or on with more of it. I’m well aware that the very idea of discussing what happened brings with it all the comfort of nails screeching down a chalkboard, but ignoring the event all together could do damage. From the sounds of your situation, damage would be a crying shame!
It’s no secret that sex, be it between friends, acquaintances or strangers in a dark Wendy’s parking lot, changes things. However, change is typically for the better in one way or another. In your case I’m noticing one distinct change for the better: “his type of girl” may have gone from something unattainable to someone a little more you and I’m afraid you’re not seeing it. You state above that in prior discussions with him, you didn’t fit into “his type” but now it seems post hook-up “he has made a few comments to the contrary.” Comments aside, I’d say sex more than once is signal enough that he digs you! I mean, if he wasn’t into you, he wouldn’t have made the effort once, let alone “multiple times” no matter how far you drove.
It seems to me like your biggest stumbling block here may be distance. The trip to The Garden State can be daunting, so I can’t say that your apprehension about it isn’t unwarranted….but this is the technological age! We live in a world of cell phones, e-mail, and Skype. So the gap can be closed up, or at the very least shortened, with those things. And should you need a little more than Skype or e-mail can provide…a quick search of the Internet turned up an article about this handy little device, a computer operated dildo with the ability to be controlled over the Internet. Will wonders never cease?
I always find it such a treat when my path crosses with an old friend. It’s even more of a treat when it leads to some hot booty! As there’s no one currently knocking down your Gay Guru’s door, if something did present itself, I wouldn’t let distance or insecurity get in the way. Not to mention I’m just itching for a reason to buy a computer/internet controlled vibrator!
All in all Ms. Confused, it sounds to me like there could be a budding romance here. Keep communication, your mind, heart, and legs open and you could find yourself on the road to something beautiful.
Best of luck to you and your new-old friend!!!
The Gay Guru