Dive Quest: New Year’s Eve

Not quite midnight at the Oasis, but it'll do.

We decided to kill two birds with one stone, and the PrissyBitch and I took our New Year’s Eve debauchery to a dive bar of our own choosing in Bridgeport–effectively kicking off our tour of CT dives. Unfortunately a ridiculous place called Captain’s Something or Other wasn’t open, so we took the Volvo and our posse in search of another place to drink. Luckily, we happened on a “charming” corner bar called Oasis.

If this place served food, we couldn’t find it, but it did have a truly terrible jukebox. There was more Pink Floyd than is ever necessary, a lot of Spanish language albums, some Bob Marley, a few random “Now That’s Music” compilations with songs I’ve never heard of, and…I kid you not…a Creed album (an offense I cannot forgive, even in the best/worst dive bar). I was forced to play random P!NK songs.

Hypnotiq on the rocks, please.

On the bright side, though, a Grey Goose and cranberry juice only cost me $7. A beer, $3.50. And we even got free champagne from the bartender and someone we think was the owner. And we all know the best thing about any dive bar is the cheap drinks…and the ability to order a Hypnotiq on the rocks without fear of being shamed.

Despite some wonderful dive qualities–which included a couple of guys wandering in, cursing us in Spanish, and then leaving–Oasis was pretty clean. The ladies’ room was tidier than my bathroom at home, which could mean that most women dare not venture there, but could also mean they do a good job of cleaning up the urine and vomit that graces the floors of most bar bathrooms.

Unfortunately, we had to head out to buy beer at a package store before they closed so we never really got to make friends with the two people in the bar. I did, however, manage to smuggle my half-full beer out under my coat which was nice. It gave me something to do while I sat in the back of the Volvo watching as one of my compatriots wandered into a “spa” and asked how much a hand-job costs ($60 in case you were wondering) and some of the others went and bought more beer.

We will be judging our dive bars on a wide variety of criteria–including but not limited to whether they have Erotic Photo Hunt available, and how long we can play on a single dollar–and assigning each category a score of 0-5. We reserve the right to abandon this scoring system at any time.

Drink Prices: 3

Menu: 0

Erotic Photo Hunt: 5

Jukebox: 2

Clientele: 2

Bartender: 4

Likelihood of Waking Up with a Stranger: 3

Total Score: 19