We Don’t Practice Santeria

Here at The CuT we’re mostly heathens of the Godless, liberal variety. Personally, I’m pretty sure the universe has a way of correcting itself that is very Godlike but I’m not into the dude with a white beard idea. I am also not into cutting off chicken heads and stuffing them with roots and herbs unless it’s for dinner. So, I guess I shouldn’t move to Bridgeport, because the Santeria activity just seems to be getting worse and worse. Lately, you can’t take out the garbage without running into a headless goat.

It all started when a routine drug raid turned sinister after the cops found a human skull, and a chicken whose blood was draining into a bowl. But that was quite some time ago.

Over the past week, though, all Hell has broken loose over in B-Po. I have a soft spot for “The Park City,” it’s grand old mansions, crack houses, and the Bluefish, but if I have to worry about stumbling over a goat head every time I visit PrissyBitch and Renaissance Man, I just don’t think I can continue to let them feed me and loan me their stuff.

Last week, the Connecticut Post reported that cops were investigating a possible “Santeria curse”:

Stuffed with some kind of root and sewn up, the two beheaded roosters were found last week, hanging by their feet about 10 feet up from a tree near the intersection of Housatonic Avenue and Grand Street, according to police and paranormal investigators.

At the base of the tree was a bag containing a black knit cap and a box cutter, and nearby there were three coconut halves in a semi-circle, an apparent sheep’s jawbone and a snakeskin, said Nicole Hall, a paranormal investigator with CT Soul Seekers Paranormal Investigations.

According to The Post, this was likely the result of a bit of a lover’s spat… Frankly, if you mess around with voodoo priestesses you probably get what you deserve when you break their hearts. More to the point, is there anything actually illegal about putting a hex on someone? If so, I think I’ve got some dolls with pins in their eyes I should dispose of. If this is about animal cruelty, I’d like to phone in some complaints about KFC (either Kentucky or Kennedy Fried Chicken, depending on where in Bridgeport you are).

But now poor, defenseless Bridgeportians who simply want to visit Beardsley Park (and possibly the prairie dog exhibit in the zoo) are stumbling across animal remains of all sorts. Again, The Post:

Sure enough, it was just what he thought: A goat head, complete with fur, beard, horns, eyes and teeth.

“It was set up … just in a clearing all by itself. Like someone had set it very particularly,” Serfillippi said. “I couldn’t figure out where it came from. There was no blood. It was a little creepy.”

It remains unclear whether the head was, like two beheaded roosters found hanging from a tree earlier this month, linked to any occult activity.

At first, I thought maybe this was just sloppiness on the zoo staff’s part. You know, like they were cleaning out the tiger cage and misplaced a goat head, but the “no blood” thing kind of made me reconsider. Now I’m starting to get worried for the critters in the zoo. I already feel bad about those animals even being stuck in Bridgeport in the first place, but now they have to worry about becoming part of a Santeria sacrifice. I also fear for the chickens who seem to follow me through life (I run into them in the strangest places — like along the Hudson River in NJ or a churchyard in Norwalk). I hope my feathered friends manage to avoid the clutches of Voodoo cults.

Despite my worries for the poultry and Spectacled Bears, I mostly just found these stories to be hilarious. But then I went to the second page of the article and read this disturbing tidbit:

The next month, there were two human skulls in a circular blanket of loose dirt and bloody papers with names on them at Mountain Grove Cemetery. And just days later, the body of a 2-year-old girl stolen from her Stamford grave showed up in a New Jersey river with chicken bones nearby.

This lead me to the most absurd thought I have ever had: what if the little girl was just a zombie? When you think of Voodoo and Santeria you can’t help but think of places like New Orleans or Haiti…and in Haiti they’ve got “zombies.”

I am not proud of this thought.

When Santeria practitioners are just putting curses on each other and occasionally beheading a farm animal (one wonders where someone in Bridgeport keeps a goat until he or she is ready to sacrifice it), it’s just kind of funny. But grave robbing? That’s not cool and you won’t be making any friends here with that kind of behavior.