Free To Beat Your Meat…in Private

Normally, we advocate for masturbation of all kinds. Just ask the Gay Guru. We do, however, understand why this creepy looking bastard’s neighbors wouldn’t want to see him dancing around in the nude and choking his chicken in his window.

According to The Hartford Courant:

New Haven police were called to the neighborhood Friday night when a 38-year-old woman who lives next to Dunklee complained about his ongoing “odd behavior,” police said.

For four years, the woman told them, Dunklee would undress and stand naked in a window without blinds that faces her yard. Sometimes he would dance naked, she said. The behavior escalated to masturbation, the neighbor told police.

As a perpetually single girl who likes to hang out in bars, I know a thing or two about dealing with creeps. What I don’t understand is why they waited so long to call the police? I mean, the first time I realized this was a recurring problem I would have organized a phone-tree and emergency action plan to make sure all of my friends could arrive within minutes for a viewing party. I’ve been honing my wiseass skills all my life for just such an occasion. I’ll be damned if we couldn’t shame a creepy neighbor into whacking off behind closed curtains to some exhibitionist porn!