Rules for Public Nudity

At first, I was inclined to make fun of the couple that got caught cavorting in the nude by a reservoir:

When police arrived at the Risley Reservoir on Lake Street around 11:24 a.m. Saturday morning, they found 24-year-old Mitchell Layaw of Ellington and 29-year-old Erica Hulme of Middletown unclothed, but covered by a blanket and lying next to the reservoir.

The more I thought about it, though, the more I found myself rooting for them. I mean, let’s be honest, if it weren’t for better timing (and more common sense) how many of us here at The CuT and in our wider web of friends would be locked up for public indecency?

We all know the Gay Guru would probably be on at least his third strike by now. So, rather than mock these lovebirds, I thought it would be nicer to offer some advice.

None of us want to live in a world where you can’t get naked in the great outdoors. Skinny dipping is great. Romping through the woods, and getting your freak on in the grass is even better (’cause the risk of getting a snapping turtle stuck to any of your sensitive bits is far less) but it’s really much smarter to do it at night unless you’re miles from civilization…which is impossible in Vernon, CT. So, skinny-dipping before noon (in water meant for human consumption, no less) is a pretty bad idea.

Let’s review:

  • Rule #1: Don’t get naked outside, in a populated area, during the day.
  • Rule #2: Don’t get naked at all, next to a body of water where people might suspect you’re a terrorist trying to poison an entire county.

If you keep these two, simple tenets in mind you will likely be able to get freaky under the stars without any trouble.