Valuable Tools From The Courant

As is so often the case, I learned a lot from The Courant’s website yesterday. Apparently, I am fat and unaware…and so are you. You may also have foot fungus, but don’t worry… all the pot you smoke is no longer a gateway drug.

Yep, remember all that time your D.A.R.E. officers spent trying to convince you that smoking a little pot would end with you shooting heroin in a back alley? Well, they were wasting your time because as it turns out, things are more complicated than that and not every kid who gets high once in awhile goes on to blow himself up in a meth lab. Shocking, I know.

What you’ll find even more surprising, I’m sure, is that apparently “obese” people think they’re just “overweight,” and that “overweight” people think they’re at a “healthy weight”…and I’m assuming thin people still think they’re fat, and so continue on with their eating disorders.

And last, but certainly not least, was a little article about Athlete’s Foot. Apparently, 1 in 10 people is afflicted with it. Somehow…this is news. And while the story offered this fantastic bit of advice, “Put your socks on before your underwear to keep the fungi from spreading to your groin,” it did not tell you what we all know to be the best way to prevent Athlete’s Foot: piss on your feet when you’re in the shower. Therefore, I consider it completely useless.