Ladies, I’ve had one piece of dating-advice for my female friends over the years: “Never date a Yankees fan.” This rule is only suspended if that fan is actually from NY (and therefore has an excuse for being one), but even then, a Mets fan is a better bet.
You see, I have this theory that anyone who lives in CT and chooses to seriously be a Yankees fan is a deranged individual. As we all know, Yankees fans don’t care about anything but winning…at all costs. They’ll knock down their stadium, toss out their beloved manager who helped earn more titles than I have fingers (I think, I don’t pay much attention to that sort of thing), and spend the equivalent of a small country’s GDP keeping A-Hole around.
This kind of douchebaggery could manifest itself in a number of ways in a relationship. Since loyalty doesn’t mean enough to him to ride out the hard times with a GM, it’s safe to assume he’ll cheat on you. Since winning is so all-important, you can assume he’ll go into a deep depression whenever things don’t go his way and take it out on you. And then, of course, there’s a chance he’ll end up in a story like this:
BRANFORD, Conn. — Police say a New Hampshire man has been stabbed in a bar fight over the New York Yankees-Boston Red Sox rivalry…
Police Capt. Geoffrey Morgan says the attack in a dispute over the decades-long American League East rivalry is a shame.
Though the article doesn’t specify who the Yankees fan is, I think it’s safe to assume it’s not the guy from New Hampshire who got stabbed in the neck. This reminds me of the last time a rogue Yankees fan went nuts. I have to wonder why these Yankees fans — who are always so happy to point out their team’s superior record — feel the need to actually attack us poor, downtrodden Red Sox fans. I mean, a good old bar fight is one thing but these one-sided attacks seem over-the-top. I mean, if you make yourself known as a Yankees fan in Nashua, NH you should expect be heckled. It’s your own fault. You don’t then get to run down the Sox fans in the parking-lot. And I don’t care if the guy on the Branford-bar stool next to you makes jokes about Jeter blowing A-Rod, you don’t get to stab him in the neck. At best, you can challenge him to fist fight outside…but even that would be lame.
This is CT, folks. The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry is just as much a part of our fabric as traffic on 95, and argyle. And if I can’t tell some guy in a Yankees hat that I question his moral character without getting physically assaulted, than I just don’t know if I can go on…