The Gay Guru has a whole story worked out that I’m reluctant to tell you because I want him to turn it into a short story and get it published in The New Yorker. But here’s how NBCConnecticut.com put it:
The ashes of a grandmother are missing and so is the urn her remains were resting in after a domestic fight.
Police said Mark Kzakrzeski, 37, of Southbury — armed with a pistol — stole a funeral urn containing the ashes of his girlfriend’s grandmother during a fight on Friday at the woman’s house in Oxford.
Kzakrzeski told police he threw the ashes and urn in the woods but they have not been found as of Monday.
He was charged with larceny, illegal possession of a firearm and disorderly conduct and was being held Monday on $50,000 bond. He is scheduled to appear Tuesday in Derby Superior Court.
When GG sent me the story I said, “What kind of deranged human being does a thing like that?” The Guru suggested there should be extra charges added on, like, “desecrating cremains.” I figure it’s the same as graverobbing and you could just charge the guy with that.
However, the Guru, also came up wit ha n extensive back story that actually makes the guy sound sane — and kind of like a hero. (His lawyer should consult the Gay Guru before submitting a plea.) So until we hear why this guy chose to steal the cremains and not, say, a TV or a cat…we’re going to reserve judgement.