Flashing Massholes

By Ingy the Wingy, Flickr Creative Commons

There are a few things about this story that bug me. Most bothersome is the description of what this flasher was wearing:

She described the man as white, 30 to 40 years old, overweight, with brown hair that was balding on top. He was wearing a blue sweater with a zipper on the front and a yellow undershirt and dark sunglasses.

I couldn’t describe what I was wearing today in that much detail. If a man drove by me without any pants on the only description I’d be able to offer would go something like this, “He had a chode and was in desperate need of some manscaping.”

Still, somehow, the girl could barely describe the car:

The only description the girl could provide to police was that the car was silver and that its license plate was white with blue and red lettering, police said.

I probably wouldn’t bother reporting a flasher. I’d likely just hurl insults at him as he retreated, but if I was planning on reporting it I’d focus more on the car and less on his undershirt. That’s just my advice to any future eyewitnesses.

Anywho…I can only assume the description of the plate means our flasher is a Masshole, which is hardly surprising considering the freakshows the Gay Guru has met there. Now, I’m perfectly willing to accept our own homegrown pervs as our problem. Dr. Gold is good enough to take care of them for us. I am not, however, willing to deal with out-of-staters. Perhaps we should install tolls at the state line to deter them from coming here to flash their naughty bits. Not only will it make weirdos think twice before bothering to drive here to flash little girls, but it will help with our budget woes.

I’m a genius.