Death in the Jaws of a Cougar is Inevitable

I'd say run for your life if you see this, but it won't do you any good. (By Harlequeen, Flickr Creative Commons.)

Last night the Asian Persuasion forwarded me a story about the Eastern Mountain Lion being declared extinct. This was supposed to be evidence that I don’t have to worry about being attacked by one. I quickly informed her that I’d always assumed the catamounts stalking the woods of CT were transplants from the West, not native, and therefore I would continue to fear dying at the hands of a big ass cat (though, I suppose, it would be a fitting end to my life).

I know, in my soul, that those cats are at least wandering into our state from time to time. In fact, I think one of them got her claws into my ex-boyfriend at Murphy & Scarletti’s and kept him from fixing my computer… but that’s another sad story altogether and I might start throwing things if I rehash it now. But now, thanks to NPR, people can no longer call me crazy.

You should listen to the story, but if you can’t, I’ll recap it for you:

  • Eastern Mountain Lions are extinct and probably have been since the 1930s
  • People still report seeing them and somehow are stupid/blind enough to confuse black bears and house cats for cougars
  • Some of those sightings are, in fact, Western Mountain Lions just moving into the territory vacated by their Eastern cousins
  • Experts say those cats will likely reach the East coast eventually but if those people in Killingworth who found their German Shepherd in a tree are to be believed, those cougars are already here

I guess my point is that cougars will not only break your hearts…they’ll rip out your jugular and then drag you into a tree. So beware.