Inside Scoop on EHHS Stabbing

You may have heard that last Thursday there was a stabbing at East Hartford High School. And if you’re a moron, you may have made some sort of hateful, racist comment about it on the internet. So I went to my inside source to get the scoop on the “stabbing.”

My not-so-little brother, who is a student at EHHS, say he thinks the Stabber was being bullied by the Stabee. He said she’d never been in trouble before. And I’ll admit, I kind of chuckled when he said that she’d allegedly used a kitchen knife to do the stabbing. How exactly does one — especially a girl — carry around a concealed kitchen knife? How do you not accidentally stab yourself in the leg?

This is where it gets funny: Then he told me that last year there was another stabbing only it wasn’t very serious. Apparently two cousins were horsing around and one was accidentally stabbed with a spork. Yes, a spork. The Stabee tried to conceal his wound, but the blood was “spurting” out (I find that detail a bit dubious) and so his poor cousin ended up getting suspended for 10 days.

My brother did have some reservations about the validity of the story though, because now the cafeteria has regular plastic forks — not sporks. Obviously this has all the makings of a great mystery.