Plum Island: Disease Infested Prehistoric Beasts

Plum Island–a living hell if ever there was one.

I’ve been thinking about Plum Island a lot this summer. A friend of mine had occasion to go there, get stripped down, and put into a hazmat suit. I admonished him and told him never to go back, but we got to talking about the government’s plan to  relocate the diseased hell beasts and the research facility that goes along with them to Kansas. Worried about the island being a possible terrorist target, to feds decided to move the facility to tornado alley…because why let terrorists destroy us when we can just let Mother Nature do it?

Anyway, now it turns out that the Montauk Monster and Lyme’s Disease aren’t the only things Plum Island has to contribute to society. Apparently there was once a Woolly Mammoth skeleton unearthed on the island (probably while digging large mass graves for all the animals used in medical experiments. Or “The bones were revealed by wind and erosion and unearthed by a group of men who spotted them, according to the Long Islander article.”)

At this point in its history, I don’t know if we should be digging up Plum Island. What kind of poltergeists does messing with an ancient burial ground now contaminated by highly contagious animal diseases unleash? But then I got to wondering about fossil fuels. All that lovely oil sitting below the earth’s surface is basically decomposed dinosaurs, right? (I may be oversimplifying.) So if we go around digging up mammoth skeletons and shipping them off to natural history museums, how the heck are we supposed to replenish our oil reserves and get off the foreign teat?

Solar and wind energy, you say? Psssshaw! No, I say we laugh in the face of science, and leave our dinosaur bones to rot and turn into Texas Tea…or, um, Plum Island Jam…