These Guys Really “Love” Cows

Honestly, I  don’t even know what to say about this. What can one say about two guys who were (allegedly) caught having sex with cows? Don’t the details of the story just speak for themselves?

Reid A. Fontaine (right), a once esteemed (we assume) employee of the Farmington school district, was caught on camera trying to have sex with a cow. So was his buddy Michael Jones.


The farmer became suspicious when his cows stopped giving milk. The ladies were so stressed out by being raped that they stopped producing delicious, delicious cow juice and so the farmer put up a surveillance camera. He was, no doubt, expecting to find a coyote harassing his herd, but instead found some serious pervs.

Fontaine made it easy on everyone and resigned from him IT position, pretty much immediately. Now the more bovine children roaming the halls of Farmington schools are safe. And, let’s be honest, there’s no coming back from this kind of thing. Once you bang a cow, you pretty much have to be shunned from polite society.