Luke’s Diner Comes to Hartford

I’m not sure what the height of stupidity is. Donald Trump will figure it out soon. But I’m pretty sure what I did this morning ranks pretty high (or is it low?) on the Scale of Dumb Shit. And I did it all for the Gilmore Girls.

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If you’re on social media, you probably heard that Netflix–in all of its sheer marketing genius–decided to celebrate the “anniversary” of Gilmore Girls by turning coffee shops across America into Luke’s Diner on October 5. And if you showed up early, you got free coffee! 

Connecticut had a couple of locations, all in Hartford. So, of course I dragged myself out of bed at 6:45 a.m., braved the morning commuter traffic, stopped by the West End home of fellow Nose panelist and Gilmore fan, Carolyn Paine, and headed over to Metro Cafe to get our Luke on. We were immediately shocked to find out that the line was wrapped around the building, snaked through the parking lot, and ended on the sidewalk.

Who the f*ck are these people? Carolyn and I don’t have to be in an office, but at least some of these people must be gainfully employed, right?

We’d been standing in line for 15 minutes or so when I realized that many of the young women in line (I counted three men in the entire group) were dressed in flannel with backward baseball caps. It was basically a bunch of drag Luke Danes.

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Then I realized that I was dressed like Luke Danes, but only because this is just how I dress in October…

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Also, let’s be real…if anyone ever asks if I’m more of a Lorelai or a Rory, I say, “I’m a Luke Danes.” I’m grumpy. I don’t like most people. I have a secret 12-year-old daughter I don’t know about.

Anyway, we arrived on the scene shortly after 7 a.m. I dropped Carolyn off at her house, a few blocks from Luke’s, at about 8:52 a.m. Yes, it took us almost 2 hours to participate in this marketing stunt. We each got a free coffee and a muffin–which was still mostly frozen because I don’t think the good folks at Metro Cafe were entirely prepared for just how many lunatics would queue up just to get a free cup of coffee with a Luke’s diner logo on it.

I guess now would be a good time to mention that I don’t drink coffee. I dumped the brew on someone’s lawn before getting back into my car (which, I’m pretty sure is a crime punishable by up to $250 in fines in Stars Hollow). I was mostly just in this for the experience of seeing a bunch of cafe workers in Luke costumes, and the famous “No Cell Phones” sign. I also kind of hoped someone would really get into the character and start yelling at us, but no such luck.

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I should have ordered a cold banana and a pop tart…

Anyway, this just might be the most ridiculous thing I’ve done in a long time and I’m only mildly ashamed of myself. At the very least, I got out and supported a local eatery! And I’ll probably go back to Metro Cafe to get a sandwich once the Gilmoreheads are gone.

We’d also like to take this time to apologize to any of Metro Cafe’s morning regulars who just wanted to get an egg sandwich and a latte on their way to work, only to find out that 150 women and the local news were camped out in the parking lot. We will go to great lengths to believe, even for a moment, that any of us are as funny, smart, or good looking as any Gilmore girl–including Emily.

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Ok…now back to avoiding contact with the outside world until the Gilmore Girls Fan Fest. We scored press passes, ya’ll!

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