Anti-Couric

Written by The Anti-Couric

Zucchini Thief on the Loose in Stamford

Are you a gardener?

I am.

As soon as it starts to get warm in the Spring I start itching to get outside and turn the barren hellscape of my raised beds after a long winter into a fertile playground. I’ve even joined some gardening groups on Facebook, including one where the members like to grow stuff and share an interest in true crime. So you can imagine the buzz that went through this group when the story broke that some complete and utter monster has stolen a zucchini from a library garden in Stamford… AND REPLACED IT WITH A CUCUMBER!

The news of this heinous crime made it all the way to Jezebel (which I stopped reading a long time ago because it made me hate literally everyone!)

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Canton Students Need a Lesson in Human Decency

cant-unsee-funny-donald-trump-meme-picture-for-whatsappYou may have seen an article in The Hartford Courant detailing the behavior of a bunch of teenage turds from Canton. Here’s the gist:

Kids from Canton chanted “Trump! Trump!”(and even made signs) during a basketball game at their opponents from Classical Magnet School.

I’m not sure I can think of a lamer, less creative chant to use on your opponents, but hey, what can you expect from Trump fans?

One might rush to associate this kind of incident with the sentient cheese doodle we elected President and the outburst of racist a-holery that has swept the country since then. You’d be partially, kinda, sorta wrong, though.  (more…)

We Literally Swear to Tell the Truth

people-who-use-a-lot-of-swear-wordsFor reasons I can only assume have to do with our current President, researchers are suddenly interested in how profanity relates to honesty. As such, researchers have found that Nutmeggers swear more than the rest of America, and we also have more integrity than our fellow citizens. This should be good news for Governor Porcupine, who could make a sailor blush.

How would anyone measure this, you ask? Facebook! (more…)

Backlash on White Privilege Essay Contest Demonstrates…Uh…White Privilege

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Westport’s Diversity Council had the seemingly progressive idea to hold an essay contest on the subject of “White Privilege”…and were surprised to find themselves facing backlash. Now, I don’t know what’s surprising about the push back because, if anything, the past couple of years have taught us that people who believe they are basically good don’t like the implication that they might not be perfect. Especially “good white people” which I’m sure Westport is full of…because the law of averages says that when there are that many white people in one place, many of them have to be good humans. (more…)

Women March on Hartford

Okay, so technically it wasn’t a march, it was more of a rally. Nonetheless, it was impressive. After spending The Farmer’s birthday ignoring anything else that might have happened on that day–and reminding those that joined us around the bonfire that they were not allowed to talk of such things–we suited up for a protest. For me, that meant choosing between t-shirts and then strapping on my hiking boots.

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Join the Women’s March on Hartford

The Trumpocalypse is upon us. Inauguration Day is less than 48 hours away, Connecticut’s senators Dick Blumenthal and Chris Murphy are planning to attend (a questionable decision but as long as they resist when it matter, we’ll let it slide), and we’re still hoping Trump will suffer a panic attack before taking the oath and run screaming from the stage.

On inauguration day I hope to completely ignore the entire affair. It happens to be The Farmer’s birthday (he spent his 30th birthday at Obama’s first inauguration–this year isn’t looking quite as bright) so we’ll be pretending the inauguration isn’t happening. We’ll be doing the New England in January version of this:

(For the record, that entails hot toddies, a parka that fits just right, and a bonfire.)

I hope that you’ll help crush Trump’s ego, turn off the TV, and make sure his ratings are abysmal, but more than that I hope you’ll consider joining the rally in Hartford on Saturday. Get involved!

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Hartford Has a Rat Problem. Blame Chickens.

img_0396copyMany years ago I was rushing from a friend’s Hartford apartment to the car on a cold winter night. I tripped a little, and assumed I’d hit a bump in the sidewalk with the toe of my shoe. But my friend, who was walking behind me, yelled, “Oh my God. A rat!” Yes, dear readers, a rat had run between my feet as I was jogging to the car, and I’d unwittingly kicked the little guy. At this point I screeched, broke out into a full out run, and started scratching at the car door! I had to get out of there, and go home and shower for hours.

Then I spent years in New York City where rats are like furtive little squirrels. You see them hanging out on the train tracks, and they scare the bejesus out of you when you’re sitting in the park and you see one scurry into a tree grate out of the corner of your eye. This is all to say, I thought I was used to rats.

This summer proved me wrong. I was digging around in a friend’s West End basement looking for painting supplies. Just as she finished saying the words, “My neighbor says there’s been a rat down here…” we heard the tell tale squeak of a frightened rat. I turned on a dime and sprang up the basement stairs, and then up another flight of stairs to her apartment. Somewhere in there I hit my hand on something and scratched it all to hell. It’s a miracle I’m not dead. (more…)

Election Day in Connecticut: Live Blog

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It’s been an especially long election cycle this time around. And we’ve spent more hours than we would like to admit racked with anxiety about the possibility that a flaming turd that happens to resemble a human man could actually be elected to the most powerful office in the world. The sheer lunacy of it proves that a lot of people in this country cannot handle their right to vote.

And please don’t even bother coming at us with your anti-Hillary nonsense. Here are a few reasons why whatever nonsense you’re about to spew is wrong:

But today is about the election and our right/responsibility as citizens to vote. We’ll be checking in throughout the day to tell you about our experience at the polls, and the anxieties that overtake us as the results roll in.  (more…)