Gay Guru

GHS Alums React to News of Marijuana Arrest on Campus

Flickr Creative Commons, Torben Bjørn Hansen

Earlier today the GayGuru sent me a link to a relatively innocuous headline about a kid at Glastonbury High School who was arrested for possession of marijuana–that required the use of a k9. This isn’t really news, but our Gmail conversation about the incident made me laugh, so I thought we’d share it.

GayGuru: I feel like the CuT headline should be: Glastonbury HS Student Caught With Pot…Also, The Sky is Blue
Anti-Couric:  what an excellent use of resources.
Gay-Guru:  what, the k-9 unit to track the kid’s path? I’m shocked they didn’t scramble the state police helicopter
Anti-Couric:  even better, i’m pretty sure gbury doesn’t havea k-9 unit so it probably got brought in from east hartford. cuz the east hartford police don’t have anything better to do than track glastonbury stoner kids. and if he ran down the path i’m thinking of, it goes right by the pound. they could have pulled out some old, stray mutt to find the weed. hell, my cats could have found it.
 GayGuru:  what i found really funny is there is an “ongoing drug investigation at the school.” I assume their “investigation” dates back to 1988.
Anti-Couric: well, they should be investigating the ongoing heroin use, and they’d be better off catching the little fuckers in gas station bathrooms.
 GayGuru:  I’m pretty sure the Shell Station on main street is a front for a Heroin pipeline. they’ve slowly been running out of soda/cigarettes and not restocking.  and your typical vaguely middle-eastern looking owners, complete with 10 lbs of gold chains on 50lbs of chest-hair…basically they just hang around and look shifty
not like, terrorist shifty, but like, direct heroin supply from Turkey-shifty
which, is a thing….
….that I just made up

Live Blog: Hallowinter!

Asian Persuasion – Manchester – 10/29/2011, 5:27 p.m.: So I suck at life. Around 1pm the Anti-Couric left me a voicemail asking me to coordinate a live blog of this ridiculous snowstorm because he’s dumb enough to be heading to Dirty Jerz. But…I was at the mall.

That’s right, I was one of the surprising number of people who were big enough jackasses to head to the Westfarms with imminent winter storm warnings. It was bloody packed. By the time I left at 2:45 p.m., the parking lot was still fairly full and the roads weren’t too bad if you kept it slow.

However, once I reached the juncture of 84 and 384, it was pretty rough. I’ve kept to home every since. I decided to wash the dog and clean the bathroom before the guaranteed power outages hit. The Pilot and I also watched some giant tree branches take out the neighbor’s fence. I’m praying that they don’t fall on our place…but there’s an iffy looking one hanging over our spare bedroom.

We’ve had a couple flickers of power, but no actual outage…yet. CL&P’s map looks like one hot effing mess. We hurried through cooking dinner at like 4:30 p.m…steak and shrimp fajitas…out of fear of losing power. So now I sit with a stomach ache, mooching off someone else’s internet because ours somehow went out in the last power flicker.

Anti-Couric – Between CT and NJ – 10/29/2011, 6:00 p.m.: On hour 4 of my trek to Jersey. Somehow other cars keep ending up going the wrong way on the side of the road. Luckily the Renaissance Man and his Volve seem to have things under control.

Asian Persuasion – Manchester –10/29/2011, 6:02 p.m.: Um. Across the street are power lines. One is…sparking. Like embers blowing off of it. The Pilot has been taking pictures of it and just now said, “I wonder if we should call and let them know.” I think that’d be a good idea.

Anti-Couric – Somewhere in NJ – 10/29/2011, 6:20 p.m.: Jeresey’s roads are a complete shitshow. Even more than normal.

Anti-Couric – Somewhere in NJ – 10/29/2011, 6:39 p.m.: There are trees down in the street the party is on. And power keeps flickering. We can’t get to the house.

Asian Persuasion – Manchester – 10/29/2011, 8:42 p.m.: The sky just flashed green a couple of times. I think the aliens are coming for us. Or a transformer exploded.

Gay Guru – Sanford, Maine – 10/30/2011, 8:30 a.m.: Sometime around 8:30 last night I sent a picture to the AP showing snow filling the small park across the street from the wedding I was attending in Sanford Maine. I recieved a message back from the AP saying, “No power here”. Last I heard of the Maine forecast, they were predicting 6 to 8 inches of snow….but no one really cared because, it’s Maine. By some miracle, we have power at the Inn I’m staying at, but no internet and no cable….so thank jeebus for cell service (Verizon) and a USB tether!

I talked to my aunt sometime around midnight and she told me, “the power is out all over, they’re saying it’s worse than Irene”. Lucky for my aunt and uncle, they have a generator, and lucky for me, I hadn’t planned on returning to Connecticut until Monday anyway. A quick check of my facebook show’s a lot of my CT friends posting updates via cell phone with some clearly exhibiting signs of Post-Snowmatic Stress (which is a term I’m coining right now). One friend has, in true WASPy Connecticut fashion, decided to completely ignore the snow and no-power and is preparing his beach gear.

So darlings, here I am in Maine, hung over and more likely probably still a little drunk which means it’s going to be a really interesting drive to the Groom’s Sister’s house for post wedding brunch. I’ll check in later darlings! Cheers!

The tree that fell next to Asian Persuasion's car. Not on. Next to.

Asian Persuasion – Manchester – 10/30/2011, 12:10 p.m.: No power, no heat. A tree fell next to my car. Not on, next to. The backyard of the house behind us looks like the trees had a war. This is going to blow.

Gay Guru – York, Maine – 10/30/2011, 12:30 p.m.: On the move to my friend’s house (I’m a gay about Maine, darlings) where I’m spending the night before returning to Connecticut tomorrow. Still thinking I’m a little drunk… Road to my friend’s house, come to find out, is blocked with downed limbs and power lines. Uggghhhhh. Talked to my father in Connecticut, he suggests I call before I come home tomorrow as apparently they’re expecting to be without power for a couple days.

Asian Persuasion – Manchester – 10/30/2011, 1:01 p.m.: Have taken refuge at the Barnes & Noble. Found plugs to recharge phones and there’s hot water to wash hands! I keep wondering if they’ll kick me out for having a kindle instead of a nook. The Pilot is reading “Airports of the World”. For realz. The plow guy came as we were returning from the DD by Pratt & Whitney (packed and open!). He plowed the tree out of the lot. It was pretty kickass.

Asian Persuasion – Manchester – 10/30/2011, 5:22 p.m.: We have power! No internet and barely any phone service, but heat and hot water and light! The Pilot is now watching DVR’d episodes of Jersey Shore since there’s no real cable. Once he’s done, there are only DVR’d reruns of Gilmore Girls!

Gay Guru – York, Maine – 10/31/2011, 8:35 a.m.: The Maine attitude of not giving much care to this Hallowinter snow has really settled in with me. I had truly thought nothing of returning to Connecticut today, until I received a text message from my father asking me to pick up several forms of “proteins” (chicken, fish, shrimp, etc.) as well as milk and cheese, because apparently “the grocery store is on lock-down”. This news has me second guessing my return. I had worried less and less about driving back down to Connecticut today as I saw more and more of my friends reappearing in my facebook news feed. I had even thought about asking friends if they wanted anything from the New Hampshire Liquor Store as I’ll be heading past it on the way home. Now I’m worried that I’m driving back into a post-snowpocolyptic scene with a trunk full of meats and cheeses and no way to defend my meaty, cheesey contraband other than with a fierce  slapping ability and snappy backhanded compliments.

Asian Persuasion – Hartford – 10/31/2011, 9:28 a.m.: Made it into work with no problems. Of course, work never loses power or Internet. The roads were empty as most people seem to be penned into their houses. At least many of my co-workers are. My nod to Halloween are socks. And a scarf, mittens and a winter coat. I am starting to worry about the Anti-Couric though. I mean, the last I heard was that she was going to a Halloween party in Jersey on Saturday night and that the street the party was on was blocked with a fallen tree.

Asian Persuasion – Hartford – 10/31/2011, 9:34 a.m.: Just heard from the Anti-Couric. She alive and feisty–full of piss and vinegar. All is right with the world.

Ring Nation – Boston, MA – 10/31/2011, 10:10 a.m.:  Around 5:30pm Saturday night, my house lost power. Until then, it was a nice little weekend!! But when you lose the power in the dead of a snow storm, that’s not good. Sunday night I high-tailed it up to Boston to stay with my lady friend. What’s funny is that there were apparently a number of others with the same idea to escape CT. The 84-Mass Pike change area was backed up for miles with people looking to fill up with gasoline. It was very end-of-the-world like. But anyway, here in Boston things are nice!! We’ve got power, heat, and places to eat that are actually open. To celebrate having the ability to eat somewhere, I went to a place in Southie that features Mexican and Chinese food so I got a burrito and a spring roll. It was glorious. As of 9:30am, CL&P was reporting that 100% of Windsor is dark. Yeah, I’ll pass on that. Hopefully power returns by Tuesday…

Gay Guru – York, Maine – 10/31/2011, 10:48 a.m.: In just a few minutes darling, I’m begining my journey to CT via a pit-stop in Portsmouth, NH with a laundry list of food to pick up for my family…. wish me luck darlings!

Gay Guru – Sturbridge, MA – 10/31/2011, 2:01 p.m.: Nearing the CT border. Have received no less than three phone calls detailing what a war zone Connecticut is right now. I wonder if my outfit is dramatic enough for this…

Gay Guru: Coming Out in Westbrook

Dear Gay Guru:

I write and edit a blog, and  well….what do I write for National Coming Out Day?

Rock N. Roller in Westbrook


Dearest Rock,

National Coming Out Day is exactly what it sounds like, and while it’s known largely as a day for standing up and revealing one’s homosexuality, I like to consider myself an equal opportunist.  You could use today to “come out” about anything you might be hiding, any detail you’ve stowed away which is keeping you from living a full life. Why just this morning I heard The CuT’s Asian Persuasion stood atop her desk chair at work and yelled out, “It’s true, I’m a terrible driver” and I imagine, her day is just a little bit better for it.

Now, that being said, if your fall-back is to exclaim you’re coming out as heterosexual, you’re going to be met with a lot of eye-rolls, so to save you the trouble, I’ve shared with you my coming out story which you can find here:

Darlings, on what I’ve come to think as a largely Gay-Pride bonus day, I wish you a safe and happy National Coming Out Day!!!

Love, Gay Guru



Gay Guru: Vegas Bound in Voluntown

Dear Gay Guru,

I’m going to Las Vegas for 3-4 days on Labor Day weekend and I’m looking for some tips on what to do, what to see, what to eat, and what to avoid. Dazzle me with your wisdom.  Thank you!

P.S I’ll be staying at the MGM Grand!

Sincerely, Vegas Bound in Voluntown



Dearest Vegas Bound,

Oh how exciting darling! As you well know I’m sure, I just love Las Vegas. As I’ve mentioned many times before, my very own mother lives in Vegas and performs as Showgirl on the famous Las Vegas Strip, so I travel there quite often.  I imagine, like me, you’re flying first class which is a great start to your holiday weekend trip!

The Las Vegas MGM Grand is a great location for exploring the Strip.  As soon as you get there, proceed immediately across the Street to the New York, New York hotel and purchase tickets to Cirque du Soliel’s “Zumanity.” It’s Cirque’s naughty Las Vegas show. It’s very burlesque and wonderful. Another wonderful thing is that, as with almost all Cirque venue’s, there is almost never a bad seat in the house. So go right ahead and buy the cheap seats and don’t be embarrassed for being such a cheap-skate. You won’t be sorry.

If people watching is your thing, then Vegas is certainly the town for you. Make your way over to the Cosmopolitan Casino Hotel, almost every night around 9 p.m., the “ho train” rolls in with just gaggles of girls in very short dresses and excessively high and pointy heels. Watching them attempt to walk on the high-gloss floors is….well it’s hysterical.  Make your way to the Chandelier Bar for a drink with a view in what I think is the most fabulous bar on the strip.

You absolutely cannot miss the Fountains at the Bellagio. It sounds so trite, but they’re really awe-inspiring.  Columns of water that spurt several stories into the air, choreographed to music. So exciting! If you’re lucky you’ll catch the show that’s paired to Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman’s duet of “Time to Say Goodbye.” It’s beautiful and brings a tear to my eye every time.  If you’re so unlucky as to catch the show that’s paired to Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” you’ll be one of hundreds of tourists vomiting into the fountain, so you won’t feel alone.

A great dining option, if you want a fancy and pricey meal (oh go ahead, you saved so much money on those Zumanity tickets….treat yourself) then head across the street to the Eifel Tower restaurant. You can save some money, and having to dress up by eating in the bar. If you would like to dine in the restaurant, it’s a jacket and tie sort of place, so plan accordingly. The restaurant looks out over the Bellagio Fountains and the view never disappoints.

It’s very important that you know darling, that Las Vegas is HUGE. The casinos on the strip all appear to be smashed together and as  though they will be an easy and close walk from where you are….this is blithely untrue! If you’re planning on going any further than across the street or next door one or two properties, take a cab. You see darling, in addition to the hotels not being as close as they appear, Vegas in September is still just a few degrees cooler than the surface of the sun. It’s also a dry heat, and while I just adore that because I have a tendency to be shvitzy in Connecticut’s summer humidity, the mere 4-6% humidity of the Nevada Desert will just wipe you out. So dearest Vegas Bound, hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!!!

If games of chance are your thing and you’re looking to do some serious gaming, it’s worth taking a trip to an off-strip “locals” casino like the Green Valley Ranch in Henderson, or the Red Rock Resort in Summerlin. Both are about 20 minutes from the strip by cab. The play at the local’s casinos is usually better than the strip. Their machines have a tendency to be a little looser, and you get more play for the money. Wherever you play, make sure to sign up for their player’s club card.

Now, if your tastes are for something a little more torrid dear sweet Vegas Bound….hello, it’s Las Vegas…do you really need my advice for that?  You can guarantee you’re never far from a hooker. But if pay for play isn’t your thing you my two go-to’s are and The latter of which will highlight all of the local foot-tapping locations for you. There’s a lot and just thinking of them aggravates my now arthritic ankle, so I’m not going to list them out for you here.

As always, whatever “games” you involve yourself in play smart, and play safe!!! Have a wonderful trip darling!

~Gay Guru

Live Blog: The Summer Storm

By Frank Peters, Flickr Creative Commons

Gay Guru – Glastonbury – 4:20 p. m.: Interspersed with bouts of watching train-wreck police video’s on TruTV, I’ve been checking the storm warnings as they appear on Connecticut news stations and as tweeted by NBC 30’s adorable weatherman Ryan Hanrahan.  Things have grown noticeably darker outside. The trees are showing the silvery back of their leaves as they blow in the wind, which, fancy weather technology aside, is always a good indicator we’re in for a storm. Oh, and you know those white puffy pollen things? They all seem to be floating upward, as if being dust-bustered up… that can’t be good.

Anti-Couric – Newtown – 5:05 p.m.: My mother called me a few hours ago sounding very disturbed. She’s worried about tornadoes. I told her it’s not even raining here so I think we’re good. But we’ve still got a few more hours of this nonsense. On the bright side, pilates class at the gym will probably be pretty empty if everyone is worried about getting sucked up into a tornado on the drive over.

Anti-Couric – Monroe – 6:00 p.m.: It’s hot and the air is pretty still. We had a sprinkling a while ago, but that’s been it thus far. Somewhere my mother is, no doubt, huddled in her basement thanks to Springfield’s tornado.

Ring Nation – Windsor – 8:00 p.m.: Upon just seeing some footage: HOLY CRAP!!!! Are you seeing this!?

Anti-Couric – Monroe – 8:40 p.m.: It’s still stifling hot, and there is still no relief. I would like some rain but not too much wind. That would be ideal. I’m starting to think this might be our most boring live blog ever…which is saying something since most of them consist of us sitting in our houses complaining, shoveling, and complaining more.

Ring Nation – Windsor – 10:00 p.m.: Remember when it wouldn’t stop raining a few weeks ago and people were making the joke “when did I move to Seattle?” Well, when did we move to Oklahoma?!”

When news about a tornado touching down here in Southern New England, I figured no big deal. I had seen a tornado in New Haven county in 2002 and it didn’t do much damage. After seeing news footage, this is quite different. The footage of the tornado ripping through Springfield MA was fairly terrifying. Since I went to college in Springfield and know a few people in the area, I have been looking at updates people posted on Facebook. One guy posted a video from his phone from an upper floor of a building in Springfield that overlooked West Springfield and you could see the tornado going across the Memorial Bridge. (If this were late night, you could make the case that a tornado might be the safest thing about the Memorial Bridge.)

But just to the south in Windsor CT, all was eerily calm. Thankfully no tornados came our way. The skies did go from a pleasant sunset red to dark and Doomsday fairly quickly, though. I was just driving on 91 through Hartford and the rain all of a sudden started coming down in sheets with lightning going off all around. Crazy. I figured the best thing to do is to buy a Powerball ticket because really it would only make sense for me to win just as the world is about to blow up. Hooray.

Gay Guru supports AIDS/LifeCycle…and so should you!

As you all well know darlings, philanthropy is a little hobby of mine. I’m a lot like a Bravo TV Real Housewife in this regard.  So. when I can, I jump on board with a cause that’s near and dear to my heart.

If you live under a stone, you may not realize that 1) HIV and AIDS are still very much real and deadly diseases 2) California, a leader in research in the fight against HIV/AIDS is nearly bankrupt. In financial crisis, state budgets for social programs like HIV/AIDS awareness, treatment, and prevention are the first to get slashed.

Well, it has recently come to my attention that a dear friend of mine, Editor in Chief for (The Gay Guru’s source for all things Lez) and Connecticut Ex-pat Tracy Gilchrist, is riding in the 10th anniversary AIDS LifeCycle: Ride to end AIDS.

The AIDS LifeCycle is a 7 day, 545 mile bicycle journey from San Francisco to Los Angeles which sets off on June 5, which is also the 30th anniversary of the discovery of AIDS…or something like that. The ride serves to raise awareness and of course raise money for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, both of which work to provide support and improve the lives of those living with HIV and AIDS.

Darlings, I urge you to join the Gay Guru in making a donation to AIDS LifeCycle and supporting the important work of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. These centers are leaders in HIV and AIDS care and serve as models for similar programs all around the world including right here in the Nutmeg State.

To donate to Tracy or her team, Racks and Rims, simply click this conveniently embedded hyperlink. You can also check out Tracy’s story, including a bad-ass picture of her and snippets from her 2008 AIDS LifeCycle ride here.

Join me on June 5 sending thoughts of safety and wishes of strength to all the LifeCycle riders and remember kids, the Tour de France can tour my pants, AIDS LifeCycle is a bike ride that matters!


All About: New Britain

Population: Approx. 71,250

County: Hartford

Size: 13.4 square miles

History: Settled in 1687 New Britain was then incorporated under the name New Britain Society in 1754. Then, as if they had nothing else to do, in 1850 New Britain was made a township and in 1871 a city. At some point New Britain split from the neighboring town town of Berlin, Connecticut.

In 1843 Frederick Trent Stanley opened Stanley’s Bolt Manufactory in New Britain to make among other things, bolts. His cousin Henry Stanley opened The Stanley Rule and Level Company in 1857 also in New Britain, which was just a mere township, if you’ve been paying attention. In 1920 the two companies merged. The Stanley Rule and Level Company became the Hand Tools Division of modern day Stanley Works.

The Stanleys are evidently responsible for the city’s nick-name “The Hardware City” though we’re not sure how that degenerated into “Hard Hittin New Britain.” So until someone steps forward to claim invention of that nick-name, we at The CuT are taking full credit.

As for whose responsible for New Britain’s huge Polish population, no one is really sure, though the abundance of poles lead to the city’s other famous nick-name, “New Britski.”

Something Weird:

In 1895 “dribbling,” a practice used in the game of basketball, was developed at New Britain YMCA. Now the only dribbling being practiced in the YMCA is illicit hook-ups in the men’s shower room. The New Britain YMCA also saw the development of the game racquet ball.

Much to Christina Crawford’s dismay, I’m sure, O. A. North of New Britain, Connecticut,  invented the wire coat hanger 1869.

Trouble in the Las Atlantic Vegas City of CT

By Joelk75, Flickr Creative Commons

I’m sure the powers that were had the highest of hopes for Connecticut’s two casinos and the transformation they would bring southeastern Connecticut–namely, turning it into the Monte Carlo of the East Coast. Unfortunately, this week at least, this is not the case.

At the Mohegan Sun a 62-year-old Bloomfield woman was arrested for possession of cocaine, after a little baggy of the white stuff fell out of her purse while she was getting up from a slot machine.  Norwich Bulletin reports:

Sonya Smith, of Ellsworth Drive, had gotten up from a slot machine and was reaching into her pocketbook when a baggy with a white powdery substance fell to the gaming floor, police said. The bag was discovered by security, who notified casino unit detectives.

Police said the substance tested positive for cocaine. Smith was charged with possession of narcotics and released on a $500 nonsurety bond. She is due to appear March 24 in Norwich Superior Court.

The Anti-Couric makes fun of my propensity to partake in games of chance, but really, I’m addicted to the people watching.  I’ve learned through careful study and observance, that the people who frequent the casinos (much like in life) can be easily classified into Tops and Bottoms. Tops being those who aggressively thrive on the adrenaline rush that gambling brings them, and Bottoms being those who have a care-free attitude when it comes to gaming.

Under this structure, I’m left to assume that ‘ol Sonya is the muscle-daddy-power-top of the gambling culture, combining gambling induced adrenaline with Colombian produced cocaine. Seriously though lady….you should probably get your heart checked, that combination can’t be healthy.

As much as I make fun of Sonya, she does have my sympathies. We’ve all dropped something embarrassing at one point or another. In fact one time I was standing in a casino bar when, while pulling out a cigarette, a joint I had rolled earlier in the day became stuck to the cigarette, flew out of the pack and landed on the floor.

These things happen Sonya, and I wish you the best of luck.